Imagine my surprise when I got the email. The game name, proudly displayed right there in the subject! So why am I being so coy about it? Why the innocuous screenshot to open the article with? Why use the most clickbaity of clickbait headlines?

Well…you’ll soon see why.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present:

I swear I’m not making this up. There’s a Steam page with a video and everything. It’s ok, go check it out. I’ll wait.

There. Now does it make sense? No – it doesn’t, does it?

From the video and screenshots, Wanking Simulator seems to be a comedy ‘simulator’ game, in which destruction is the order of the day – in the vein (oh God, I’m sorry) of the surprisingly brilliant Goat Simulator. The difference here being that the action is first person, as well as the fact that your character appears to be masturbating his way through the game for no good reason.

Looking at the screenshots and clip, it doesn’t seem to me that anything is added by the masturbation element. Remove it and you’d have the same game about a naked guy on a random rampage.

I mean, it’s pretty juvenile humour – but I guess it’s harmless in a way? You may find this strange, but the biggest concern I have is not with the masturbation element or the flippantly violent destruction – but the fact that the main character is called Winston Gay and he lives in Gay Bay. I mean – really? That’s the best you can come up with? The devs do realise it’s 2019, right? It does beggar belief that, even with the low hanging fruit (aaargh, I did it again!) of the lowest, lowbrow humour inherent in the concept, they couldn’t do better than that. Gay? Hilarious.

Thankfully, the press release is at pains to point out that “the only action of a sexual nature will be the masturbation of the main character. Despite the controversial topic, no genitals or organic liquids will be seen in the game. The new simulator is supposed to be purely humorous.” That’s a relief, at least.

Should you be interested (and really, how could you not be?), Wanking Simulator is scheduled to be released in the third quarter of the year. I’ll no doubt be keeping one eye (does that one count?) on the development of the game. Let’s hope it’s not subject to any delays – then again, let’s also hope it doesn’t come too soon.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this – or any of my other content – it’d be much appreciated if you’re able to share this article via social media. I’d also be forever grateful if you’re able to support me via: Ko-Fi.com/geekmid – which would assist me in writing even more content just like this. Above all else though, thanks for reading – I truly appreciate it!

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