My plan was this: download Gunpowder on the Teeth: Arcade and play through as much as possible in order to get a review out in time for release day. Given that the game releases on the 25th of July 2019, and today is the 21st, I know what you’re thinking, dear reader. You’re thinking ‘But Jason, you still have time! You have DAYS to get through enough of the game to give it a fair review!”
I hear you. The thing is, I still don’t think that’s enough time to give the game a fair review. So I’m not going to be able to do that at all. “Why is that?” I hear you ask. Well, it’s simple really. Gunpowder on the Teeth: Arcade is really, incredibly, punishingly, brutally difficult.
I’ve had it for days already. DAYS, he says again, in all caps. Yet I’ve only been able to get through three levels. Each lasts no more than a few minutes from beginning to end and yet, I’ve not been able to get through the fourth level. It’s embarrassing, and it means I won’t be able to give you that review at all.
It’s such a shame, because I really want to tell you about how much I like the weird greyscale style. I’d love to inform you about the precise platforming, the fact that you have a health bar instead of one hit killing you or just tell you about the way you have to remember to reload, which is such a change of pace for a run and gunner like this. Obviously I can’t tell you any of that, because I’ve only reached level four.
I’d love to wax lyrical about how the game feels like Broforce’s harder, older brother. Or how the extreme difficulty and punishing level design reminds me of Super Meat Boy. How the voice acting is great and the soundtrack absolutely rocks. I would, if only I’d managed to beat LEVEL FOUR.
Those obstacles though! The barbed wire causes me to swear, a lot – at increasingly high volume. Run into it and you’ll be torn to pieces when you emerge. Jump out of it and the same thing will happen. You can only creep through it, hoping that you can do what you need to do in terms of jumping or shooting once you’re out of it. If only I’d played enough of the game to tell you about the barbed wire!
It’ll be great once I’m able to tell you about the levels; destroying radar installations, for example, or outrunning artillery that covers the entirety of the screen and you frantically, hopelessly attempt to get through it while simultaneously dealing with barbed wire, bottomless pits and collapsing scenery. I can’t tell you about that though, because…no, wait, I can tell you about that bit because I’ve attempted it about a hundred times and it’s exactly what awaits you on level four. Level bloody four. It haunts me, taunts me – but I’ll get past it. One thing I can tell you is that Gunpowder on the Teeth: Arcade (even with that incredibly unwieldy title) is really addictive. Even though it punishes you, hard and often, you’ll keep coming back and trying again. And again. And again.
And one of these days, I’ll tell you all about it.
Thank you to Forever Entertainment for providing me with the review code for Gunpowder on the Teeth: Arcade. Hopefully, I will be able to review it at some point!
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